The vacuum rolled across the wood floor with ease, picking up the last remnants of China. Little black balls of fur that I so often cursed, I now looked upon with gut-ripping love. As each tuft was sucked into the bag of dust and dead bugs, I began to cry with more conviction, as these were the last remainders of our beloved dog.

My husband and I have been weepy for days now. The spot on our bedroom floor where China’s bed used to rest, is now empty. The room looks nicer and uncluttered, but I preferred the heap of black fluffy dog who used to lay there dropping her fur everywhere to our more sanitized looking room. I miss hearing that long sigh that she would release as she finally surrendered to sleep each night. It was our little pod of comfort – us in our bed with our “girls” in theirs. Now I see our kitty, Taj, laying in her bed and she looks so small and lonely. There will be no more middle of the night brawls between the two of them, or battles over food bowls in the kitchen, and I think Taj will miss the banter.
 

 
We will have more freedom to travel as we please as China’s care became something very intuitive and personal that we couldn’t have taught someone else to do, and there will be no more free rides up and down the stairs that Ric would give China as her limbs began to give out, making those stairs a Mount Everest effort for her.

My solo road trips will require less gear without my co-pilot hanging her head out the window in search of fresh air and a strong breeze – it just isn’t the same with a cat in tow. Ric and I did have the gift of our last trip to the beach with her in December when she found her inner puppy one last time at the sight of the waves crashing on the sand and dove in, and that was a true blessing.
 

 
I had a long talk with China before she left, assuring her that Ric and I would be there with her until she had taken her last breath, and that we would help her out of that stiff and unreasonable body gently and without pain – Ric and I would be brave in that way. It was the final gift that we could give our furry four-legged child. Making such a decision was incredibly painful for us since there was no rule book to follow or voice that could definitively tell us when the time was right, especially when it was simply a matter of aging and not illness that would leave her blind, deaf and with paws that could no longer navigate the obstacles in her path.

A few nights after she passed I dreamt that in the middle of the night, China walked into our bedroom and climbed onto our bed. I was so happy but confused to see her. The last time I had seen her, she was lying lifeless on a dog bed at the vet’s office. In my dream she somehow communicated to me that after we left the office, she awoke and walked home. The dream was so real…I hugged her, the next day I told everybody how China had woken from death and come home, and then I woke up. I remembered the dream midway through brushing my teeth in the morning. Ric was talking to Taj who was sitting on a red terrycloth towel in that spot where China’s bed used to be. I spit and rinsed and then told him about my dream. He looked down as his eyes, once again, filled with tears.
 

 
Those of us who choose to fill our lives and homes with pets know the responsibility and unconditional love that comes with the territory. The preciousness of a little face greeting you after a difficult day, the joy of a wagging tail, or a deep purr that can sooth away the day’s transgressions and bring peace to our hearts in a way that is rare.

When I said good-bye to China, rubbing one of her soft fuzzy ears between two fingers, trying to take the sensation deep into my memory bank before she would be gone forever, I thanked her for being by my side during the fun adventures and difficult times of my life, for always listening to me as if I was telling the most fascinating of tales, for protecting me when she thought I was in danger, for loving the people I loved, and for filling my life with immeasurable pure joy. She gave a long sigh and surrendered one last time into that deep sleep of forever and peace. She will be so missed.